It's been a long time since I've watched this entire video all the way through. But I came across it the other day and as I began watching it, I was flooded with so many emotions. It has been FIVE years since that life-changing day in February. FIVE! It almost seems like the further out I get from it, the more it doesn't feel "real"... like it didn't happen. But it did. And it was hard. I'm not going to deny that. It was one of, if not the hardest thing I have ever experienced. But every day since then, it has proven to be a great blessing in my life.
I met and came to love some incredible people. I have so much love and gratitude for my entire family, my friends (including my ward), anonymous people who left things on our porch multiple times, and especially my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. Through this hard time, I was able to come to a better understanding and appreciation of the atonement. The scripture, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (PHL 4:13) got me through more things than I can count.
There are absolutely NO words that can describe how grateful I am for being a cancer survivor. There are definitely a lot of hard things that come from having that "title"... I can't lie and tell you being a 'survivor' has been easy. I lost quite a few amazing friends from cancer (Tyler, Brandon, Josh and Lori) and I went through (and still sometimes do) a lot of questioning why I was the one that survived. I still don't have a complete answer to that question. But it becomes clearer as time goes on... I'm not sharing this for pity. I'm sharing this because I have so many feelings in my heart today, that I felt I needed to share it. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this post at this point, so bear with me.
It honestly has been a really tough week. It was, for lack of a better word, stressful. I had a lot of homework this week, and to be quite honest with you, I am EXHAUSTED. Last night particularly, I was feeling kinda down. Wishing I had gone home for the weekend. Wishing Kandace was here. Or my nieces/nephews. Or my dog. Ha. But I went to sleep hoping and praying that today would be a better day... and guess what? It was :)
Today was a really great Sunday. I was actually kind of dreading going to church because, for reasons unknown to me, I've been called to be a ward pianist and I play the hymns in SACRAMENT MEETING... so that's just a little intimidating. But as I was practicing in the chapel before the meeting, some girls, from the ward meeting after us, asked if they could practice their musical number. I said sure and sat down and listened while they practiced. There was a pianist and violinist. They were playing 'I Know That My Redeemer Lives' and one of my favorite versions of it. It. Was. Beautiful. I honestly don't think I heard one wrong note from either of them and I was holding back tears... there's nothing that touches my heart more than music, so I was filled with Spirit before church even started! :-)
Then, sacrament meeting, the talks were on obedience and forgiveness. I didn't realize this until later, but I actually really needed those talks... isn't it funny how sometimes the talks flow right into the Sunday School lesson and the Relief Society/Elders Quorum lessons? Today was no different. In Sunday school we talked about the scattering and gathering of Israel, this kind of went along with obedience. Then Taylor, my roommate, gave an awesome lesson in relief society on visiting teaching. That, I guess, could relate to obedience too, but the thing I applied it to the most was forgiveness.
She shared the talk Elder Holland gave in the priesthood session of this last conference. (Sidenote: I was watching this talk and I just thought, WOW. I got the opportunity to meet, sit down and talk with this AMAZING man... and the likelihood of that happening if I didn't have cancer is slim to none. #blessings) His talk was on Home Teaching and he shared an incredible story of a father who accidentally ran over his 9 year old son. This father really struggled and I'm sure had the hardest time forgiving HIMSELF. I can't even imagine... but Elder Holland noted that a home teacher was one of the ways the father got through all of this. Because the home teacher had put in the effort to get him to play basketball with him every morning, and actually following through with it knowing that the father was suffering, he reached out and even pushed the dad a little bit. But he did this out of LOVE. Here's the talk in case you feel like crying, or just want to listen to an incredible man speak:
Are we not all facing our own personal sufferings? I don't know about you, but the best way I get through ANY hard time in my life is through the love and support of those around me and my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. With Him... anything is possible, and you can "do ALL things through [Him]". I know that I can get through any hard time, no matter what it is, if I put my faith and trust in the Lord... He will guide me, love me, and support me through everything. Because cancer was one of the hardest times in my life... I look at it whenever I'm struggling and think, "If I survived cancer... I can get through this". Whatever "this" may be.
So, I don't talk about me being a cancer survivor to brag, I say it because I am humbled by that "title". I am grateful that Heavenly Father believed I could get through something like that. He wouldn't have given it to me if He didn't think I could. That just gives me so much hope, strength and courage to move forward in my life and try my hardest to be the person God knows I can be. Having gone through the temple, I have really come to understood my true purpose here in life and I am grateful to be living so close to the Rexburg temple. Not many people can say they have the temple right across the street from where they live.
Being here at BYU-Idaho has honestly been one of the greatest blessings of my life. While it has been hard getting back into the "school flow", I have learned so much. I learn more in my religion class than I have all three years of seminary in High School. That's not to say that I didn't have awesome Seminary teachers. Because I did. I think I just took them for granted and didn't pay as close attention as I probably should have. I've also really enjoyed going to devotional every week. Seriously the highlight of my week. I look forward to sitting down every Tuesday at 2:10 to listen to inspiring and uplifting talks. It's like getting a snippet of General Conference once a week ;) (P.S. Shout-out to Sarah for being my devo buddy - love her!!)
I've matured sooo much just in the last 2 months and I've gained not only a stronger testimony, but a stronger appreciation of those who have put in the efforts to keep this school running. So many sacrifices have been made so I, and 6,000+ other students, can go here. Blessings upon blessings upon blessings. Today has just been a really humbling day. Full of gratitude and l o v e, for the plan of salvation, the gospel of Jesus Christ, the knowledge I can do anything through Him, along with the knowledge that I'll be able to see my loved ones again and can live with my family F-O-R-E-V-E-R. Who wouldn't want that??? Happy Sabbath everyone! ♥
